Imagined Thoughts

My mind is tired. It seems like any comprehensible thought that I may have is floating in a sea of an ordered chaos that I will call a mindless consciousness. I want to close my eyes and just listen. No feelings. Free falling into indifference, into silence. Momentary peace at last.


We are near to the remains of the day. We have smiled, we have laughed. We have hurt, we have loved. When the sun sets and we finally rest our tired bodies and souls, we go back to our own realities or illusions. We hang on. We try to keep it together and remain. Some of us will let go and will never look back. And for us who remain, those who left just become a memory of days that passed.


Are you happy? Whatever your answer will be, is it the truth? Would you change anything? If you could, what would it be? Are you prepared for change? Are your prepared to destroy and be destroyed? You said you have the power, you have the will. But do you have the heart?

Uninteresting

We are an old married couple without the proverbial “comfortable silence.” I have reached a plateau and with my innate bad sense of direction and non-existent mountain survival skills, I guess I’m pretty much doomed. I don’t know about him but my guess is that the feeling is mutual. Funny since THIS has become our common ground. It’s just that nothing is being said and therefore, nothing is being done. Will this vacuum eventually rid itself away like before in a pitiful number of occasions? I do not know. I do not care.

The flame has died down and it is time to accept that we are just like any other couple (the ones remaining, at least). We are ordinary with a capital O -- nothing special. No upsize, no add-ons. In a line of hamburgers, we are like the Regular Yum and the only thing that makes us a bit interestingly savory is the thin slather of mayonnaise. As such, we are now in the same side of the fence as that of almost everyone else except for those honeymooners and those who are eternally blessed with either marital bliss or ignorance and indifference.

The sparks that once ignited the smoldering passions of an otherwise temperate heart are now a very distant memory that will require Herculean efforts to remember. And mind you, a trip down memory lane is not always pleasurable. Sometimes, it’s like a dirt road full of dust and bumps as big as the moon’s craters. Most of the time, this is the kind of lane we all take when it comes to the affairs of the heart. A failed romance is a failure and no matter how beautiful it started, we get the same ugly shit in the end. There will always be that painful tug in the heart because you know that the good times will never ever become better times. All the “feel-good” firsts like the first glance, the first smile, the first text message, the first chat, the first kiss, the first you-know-what seem to be from a lifetime ago and a thousand galaxies away. They are long gone and best forgotten and are now replaced by the not-so-distant “bitter firsts”.

Terrifying. Horrible. Ghastly.

We have become uninteresting to one another like an oft played song, an oft worn dress, an oft taken route. I am not mysterious any longer. I had been revealed!

I tried to seek comfort in thinking that I was more of a pair of old shoes that is comfortable and dependable. That pair of old shoes that will be missed when it finally breaks and becomes totally useless. That pair of old shoes that will be remembered with smiles and memories of happy strolls. And then reality hits me. I could also be the old, smelly and moldy old shoe. No love lost there.

Nothing being said.

Nothing being done.

Inevitable demise.

Soon to be forgotten.

The die is cast.

Because You See Me

Because you see me

That I become I
Not just a or one
But a somebody
And a someone.

Because you know me

Now I have come to be
Not just a speck here and there
But a heart and soul
Somewhere.

Because you hear me

I now find my voice
My smile now has meaning
My thoughts have become real
My silence deafening.

Because you found me

I’m no longer lost
I am real again
I am Me again
Because of You.