Missed Chances

I always miss my bus going to the train station. As much as I try to be like Harold Crick, I know that after counting from 1 to 12, I’d go back to 1 and not continue on to 13. I do this unconsciously and I never found any explanation why. I am resigned to the fact that any attempt at analyzing it would only frustrate me. If I could only calculate time right, I wouldn’t have to miss busses and trains again.

You may think I am sweating the small stuff and yes, you are probably right. When I think about it, busses and trains are not the only things that we miss in our lifetime. Sadly, we miss a lot more than these. Things that are more significant. Things that are more valuable. Things that change the course of our lives. The one that got away. More sadly, when we miss it, we don’t get a second chance. Second chances do not arrive 2 minutes after the first one had left.

Saddest part is that life goes on. Sadder than saddest is that we carry these missed chances with us until our last breath. The only thing we can do to cushion the blow is to learn to be happy even in times of grief and great sadness. Find it in ourselves to hope and believe that a love lost is not lost forever. Pray that the stars will conspire to give us another shot. Hope that a time machine be invented or be Superman and turn back time. Hope that when we go back to a place, we can also go back in time. Basically, pray for that small and personal miracle to happen for us to finally have closure of a particular missed chance.

I, too, pray for this everyday. I pray for that small miracle that will take me back in time and let me feel that old feeling once again. I guess I just need closure and nothing else. Time has been kind enough to heal me and teach me how to accept things as they are. Maybe I was not meant to be in that bus. Maybe I was not meant to be in that trip. For whatever reason, that was my fate. Yes, sometimes we have to take a defeatist stance because it is the brave thing to do.

Who’s To Blame

So early in the year, we hear about the Tucson shooting which claimed the lives of six people, including a nine-year-old little girl, and which had put a bullet in a lawmaker’s head. It’s such a tragedy hearing about these things and it often leaves me with more sadness for the loss of the victims’ families than rage for the perpetrator. It also makes me wonder how in this age and time, when people are more educated, when laws are in place, when governments are constituted that societies seem to continue to fail every now and then and in more ways than one. Who is to blame then?

Not too long ago, a disgruntled police officer took a number of Hong Kong nationals hostage out of frustration and enmity towards a government that he dutifully served and in the end, allegedly turned its back on him. That incident left a number of the hostages dead together with the hostage-taker. Who is to blame?

These are just two of the millions of headliners that the media had picked up. I’m not even talking about the drug wars in Mexico, terrorist attacks in various parts of the world, the rapists, the bank robbers, etc…Who is to blame?

I blame myself. I blame you. I blame everyone, the society, the whole world order. And you should do the same. Bad things, except those by acts of God, happen because we allow them to happen. Somehow and somewhere along the way, we could have been remiss in our duties as parents, as teachers, as neighbors, as friends, as superiors. Somehow, we failed to see the signs of discontent and anxiety. Somehow we failed to appreciate people and deeds, we paid more attention to mistakes made, were more harsh than necessary. Somehow we failed to be just. The list can go on and on. Yes, it is just impossible to keep track of everything that we do and say, of every person that come our way. But I still believe that as humans, we should at least strive to live by a set of minimum standards of how we relate to our own kind.

Always act in good faith. Always be considerate of others. Always strive to be patient. Extend help when it is needed. Do not be judgmental. One does not need superhuman powers or intelligence to know and to live by these ethics. We just need to believe in the innate goodness of our hearts. Let the fact that we are good by nature inspire us to be more in touch with our humanity and that of others. I assure you, this world will be a better place.

Another Year

I wonder what Life has in store for me this year. Last year was definitely full of surprises – reconnection with old friends, career milestones, dead coming back to life. It was a circus. Thinking about it now and what other things and people can turn up this year scares the living daylights out of me. But then again, as Dan Burns would say: be prepared to be surprised!

Sometimes, we just can’t be anything else but sitting ducks. The only thing we can do is put on a brave face and shout “bring it on” at the top of our lungs, ignoring that our knees are buckling or in the true case of a duck – feet paddling like crazy, our palms sweating and our hearts pumping like an F1 race car. Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect... so no one would suspect…I’m afraid. It was true in Siam circa 1860’s and still is today. How poetry mirrors reality leaves me in awe most of the time. Makes me want to whistle a happy tune!

Only a week has passed and we still have 51 more to enjoy this year and bask in the good fortune that it will bring. Or it could be 51 weeks more of suffering and hell. It’s our choice really. At the end of the day, we ourselves make things happen or not come to be. I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul. Now, that is the ultimate self-confidence. Or it could be plainly pure arrogance. Whichever it is, kudos to you Mr. Henley! And kudos to us for surviving the past year, scathed it may seem but nonetheless alive and for facing the new year with a bravado deserving of a round of drinks!